Bi-cause I'm worth it
This Thursday is National Coming Out Day, a day for those in the LGBT community to finally be open about who they are to their friends, family and the world!
Coming out is rarely a one-off event - lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people may have to come out several times during their lives and on each occasion, face very different challenges and reactions when doing so.
Reactions to someone coming out can range from the very positive, to total indifference, to less than accepting. Coming out often requires courage. Ahead of National Coming Out Day, one very brave member of the LGBT+ & Friends steering group has agreed to not only come out publicly at Royal Mail but also share her experience of being bisexual.
Customer service advisor, Hannah Parys, from Royal Mail recruitment services in Sheffield, said: ‘Due to the stigma often attached to being gay or bisexual, many LGBT people feel that they can’t come out to colleagues in the workplace.
‘In some jobs I’ve had, I’ve been able to be open about my sexuality. But in others, I’ve been afraid to come out for fear of my colleagues thinking about me differently, for fear of being treated differently, for fear of being subject to gossip, and for fear it will “go against me”. In essence, fear of being discriminated against.
‘In some of my previous jobs it was easy for me to come out. But in one place, I knew it wasn’t possible. Being a small workplace, opinions could easily be heard by everyone. A very senior member, who had a great influence on the business, was homophobic and would often make slurs about the LGBT community. I knew I couldn’t come out there; it was very intimidating and uncomfortable – it even made me fear for the security of my job! Sadly, I thought that not being able to be myself was a better option than being discriminated against.
‘I hadn’t actually come out at Royal Mail before this… but, I guess I have now! Don’t worry though; I’m still the same person I was before! We might all hold back a bit of ourselves to our colleagues compared to when we’re with close friends. It might be deciding to hide that guilty pleasure of being obsessed with a certain TV programme – one your colleagues might think isn’t worth watching, for example. But imagine holding something back about yourself that you have no choice over? Sexuality is not a choice.
‘Bisexuality is a “funny” one when it comes to acceptance, as it’s often seen as “neither here nor there”. “Make up your mind”. “There’s no such thing”. “You’re just confused”. “You just don’t want to admit that you’re gay” and “choose a team” are some of the phrased bandied around. We also receive other unmentionable aggressive and derogatory biphobic comments. Hardly encouraging experiences to fully be ourselves, are they?
‘These kinds of discriminatory views can actually make us confused when, without them, we wouldn’t be. Such views make us feel the need to question our own sexuality and its validity, or even feel ashamed, causing mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. As you can see, it’s not always so straightforward to come out, so don’t take it personally if someone you know didn’t come out to you sooner, just take it as a compliment that they came out to you when they were ready!
‘Although the way we are treated - due to our sexuality - does shape some aspects of our lives, our sexuality does not define us. It is just one part of who we are; we are still that person you knew before! Royal Mail actively encourages colleagues to be themselves as individuals. Therefore I thought I’d finally take advantage of this positive mind set to write this for National Coming Out Day.
‘I hope I’ve given you a glimpse of how biphobia can affect the ‘B’ in the LGBT community. I also hope that in some way, it can help people to become more self-accepting and more accepting to others.’
Get involved
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The LGBT+ & Friends steering group was established in 2015 with the goal of creating an accessible network for LGBT+ colleagues and supporters to come together and share their experiences. The group aims to help colleagues be themselves at work and establish Royal Mail as a true champion of LGBT+ colleagues and the wider LGBT+ community.
If you would like to set up a local network or get involved in the steering group, you can email them at LGBT&Friends@royalmail.com, and let them know what you would like to do.
You can also subscribe to their newsletter and join their protected Facebook group, just email them with your pay number and the email address you use to sign into Facebook and they will send you an invite.
